Spilling beans to my parenting secrets

When I became a parent 10 years ago, I HAD NO CLUE. I had no clue why my child was crying, I had no clue why he was always behaving a specific way or what was I supposed to do. I am sure, you must have experienced this in some way or another. BUT since then, a lot of things have changed and I feel I am at a better place than I was. So here I am –

Spilling beans to my parenting secrets

Spilling beans to my parenting secrets

No parent is perfect, and neither am I by any means. I have heard many times – that a mother knows best for her child, which I DO NOT agree.

I was wrong and there were times I was not doing what was correct for my child – which contradicts the above statement. What do you think? The point is correcting yourself, as soon as you realize. Do not dwell or procrastinate to enjoy parenting.

Parenting unfortunately never comes with a Wikipedia. Imagine getting a book of secrets as soon as your child is born, which would cover each and every reason your child would cry or behave! That would be BLISS! 

and so, it has been trial and error. mistakes over mistakes learnings and understanding through the years. I still have a long way to go. 

My secret number 1

I have to take care of myself – before I become a better parent. 

BUMMER! I am sure you were expecting something else !! BUT this comes from my personal experience. A mother who is not in good health physically/ mentally or emotionally – is not contributing to her child’s development. Of course, it depends on how much we self reflect, but when we do that, we can actually see if things are going right. I am a practical parent and not an emotional parent at all. I believe emotions play with your ability to judge and execute. 

Many mothers just go with the flow and will do anything just so that the present is satisfying. I, unfortunately, cannot do that. I would rather make myself miserable today, and not face terrors tomorrow. 

Secret number 2

Raise them to be independent 

This is tough! but not impossible. When I found that I was expecting my second child – My first-born was 5.5 years old and I knew that I had only some months before the second one would need me more. I was expecting a lot from myself and my little boy – but you know what?

You can do – what you believe. By the time – my second one arrived – my son was completely independent of me. He could do his homework without me, bathe, get dressed, do basic chores around home all without ME. I read somewhere that your child is NOT for you to keep, but He is to be set free ( within boundaries )

Spilling beans to my parenting secrets

Secret number 3

Parent first, friend second

Yes, the new age parenting recommends us to be friends, which I am and will continue to do so. BUT, I do not want down the road, my children should behave irresponsibility and forget how to respect their elders just because I didn’t want to step up. So, when its time to discipline I am a parent – a strict one sometimes and I am NOT guilty about it.

Secret number 4

You and Your child need not throw tantrum at the SAME time

Tantrums, erratic behavior are a part of childhood. Some which you can control, and some which are out of this universe! Remember, it is your child having a meltdown, NOT YOU.  What do you need to do? Stay calm, don’t lose it and stand your ground. Panic worsens the situation. Every time you give in to a tantrum, you let your child know  – its ok to have this particular behavior.

Decide what do you need to do in a particular situation. Stay firm and kind but do not change your decision. Your child will learn to respect you more if you mean what you say.

Secret number 5

Use Natural Consequences

I do not try to run and save my children from their actions. If we interfere when we don’t need to, we rob children of the chance to learn from the consequences of their actions. By allowing consequences to doing the talking, we avoid disturbing our relationships by nagging or reminding too much. For example, if your child forgets his lunch/school diary/project, I do not run to the school to give it to him.

Result? The child gets his share of understanding of what happens – if he does not follow a certain work! Allow them to find a solution and learn the importance of remembering.

Secret number 6

Stop labeling your child 

Have you ever heard parents label their children? some examples – Oh, my child is super fussy! Super naughty, just does not sit at one place, he never listens, he never eats, He never ever does his work – Do you know what you are doing here? You are labeling your child and making him believe – that’s what he is! 

Labeling a child will have a huge impact on their self-esteem. When a child hears something about themselves often enough, they eventually start to believe it and act so. Parenting is actually not that hard, as some make it out to be. Say and believe what you want your child to become and see them transform right in front of you!

Secret number 7

My own time 

Yes ! and I am entitled to it, and so I do whatever I like to get myself into the right frame of mind. This can be anything from driving to bingeing on Netflix or meditating, or singing on top of my voice or blog! This is extremely essential to have a fresh space of mind and perspective. Parenting becomes a wee bit easier when you learn to unwind. 

Spilling beans to my parenting secrets

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This post is a part of Momology blog train hosted by Thoughtsby Geethica, SlimexpectationsMummasaurus and Truly Yours Roma sponsored by FirstCry Intellikit, Instacuppa, Diet Funda, Hugs n tugs, Tina Basu, Unorthodoxpeeps, Lotus Herbals baby and Shumee toys.

I would like to thank Mehak who blogs at babyandbeyond.in for introducing me to this train and introduce Gunjan who blogs at tuggunmommy  Read their takes on their parenting mantras and what works for them the best. 

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5 thoughts on “Spilling beans to my parenting secrets

  1. Great post and I agree with all pointers..indeed the power of me time is so powerful, it helps a lot in dealing with tricky situations. also, loved your honesty about being a practical parent, not an emotional one. enjoyed reading your post. #Momology

  2. Not labeling them is very important. Sometimes, when we also loose our patience, unknowingly we start saying words that we are not supposed to say. The post effects of such words are long term and they are in no manner healthy for kid’s development.

  3. Thats two mothers today who have told me that Mother first friend not. I think a little down time for mothers goes a long way in recharging them for the challenge that lays ahead as a parent.

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